So i was told my uncle was getting married at the end of August….a few days after my best friend got engaged. All i can think is fuckk?? what do i do. I have a settled boyfriend whom i am happy with and my little one loves beyond belief. Been together nearly a year which happens to be the longest i have been with someone and i truely love him with every inch of my being in this world. 

Then facebook being the gigantic pain in the ass and face fiving dick that it is posts all about marriage and engagement all over my time line! haha. Do i want all of that? YES yes i do, im probably like any other girl who has dreamed of a wedding since they were 6. I just know i have to wait for my happy ending to come when its meant to. 

So from this i have tried to focus my thoughts and emotions on something else. I have given up smoking and trying to slim down for my uncles wedding and in time to look fab for next year.

Being a mum has made me lazy, fat, ugly and comfort eat. Its horrible when you wake up every morning and look at yourself wishing you where someone else, wishing you had a different body and face and mind. Wishing that one day you would just wake up and think ” i look pretty” but i sadly do not. I never awaken in the morning or at any point in the day and think that. Its so easy to mask it but now im doing something about it. 

I am trying to eat better, logging my intake and outgoing every day. TRYING to get down the gym when i can if i can get a sitter for my little girl for 2 hours. I want to go back to something similar to what i was before i had my little girl.

Nearly two years ago i had her….from being a nice healthy slim size 10/12 at 9st 2Ilbs to a smashing 12st 13Ilbs in 2 years. I am not proud of it but i know every mother takes on weight when they have a baby and sometimes afterwards too. 

I am 2 weeks into my new lifestyle and i have gone down from 12st 13Ilbs to 12st 1Ilb. I am pretty impressed with this and i am just going to the gym and doing cardio. Now i have stopped smoking i can actually jog without my asthma being effected. So i am taking full advantage and running for about 15 mins, stationary bike for 25 mins and elliptical (cross trainer) for 25 mins too. Thats all i am doing at the moment sometimes i will do shorter bursts and run maybe twice or go to a spin class once a week. I just want to turn myself into a positive again and not a negative that motherhood has turned me into. I know that sounds aweful but i know that motherhood hasnt been kind to me. I love my daughter so much and i love being a mum i just want to feel confident going out with her and when shes older be able to run with her and chase her and be active. If i keep going with all the rubbish eating and fatty food then i will not get there. 

This is my journey. This is my life. This is my chance to make a change for the better and for everyone to see me for the person i really am.